I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
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Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
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I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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