I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
