3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
