ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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