do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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