If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
