I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Please, let me fuck your mom
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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