i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
