I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
