this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
you never un-have a 4some
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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