I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You can't special order awesome
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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