I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
