I'm really into asian looking animals
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
