Cold hands, warm shart.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
