If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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