Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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