From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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