I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
