She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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