heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
