she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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