If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
