Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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