She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
