hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
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I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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