we made out on top of his cat.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
