dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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