Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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