I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
