What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
