3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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