Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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