dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
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I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
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I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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