i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
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I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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