Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
