Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I understand Curling. That high.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
