Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
