Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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