I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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