When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize