Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
