If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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