I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
