just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
