shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
