Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
