Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
