doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
