OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch