1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.