Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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