also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive