There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
