I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable