She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?