i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?