the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
organizing the empties. That sober.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us