hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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