There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
