You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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