I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
