My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize