Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
