Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
