Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
