my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
