you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
