and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
