Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
