I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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