the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
