How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
