I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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