booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
