Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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