his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
