I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
