batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
