that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
