Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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