We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The Olympian is in my bed
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
