Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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