Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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