and you said cock pushups were impossible
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
