if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
