I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
