Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
